I'm Not Your Number One Enemy
by LenaAlexHunt
Summary: Songfic, following the events of 1.6. Martha hears a song on the radio that reminds her of John.


**A songfic I wrote set after the events of 1.6.**

**The song is "Number One Enemy" by Daisy Dares You... all copyright to her!**

**Please R&R!**

Martha was listening to the radio late that evening when the song came on. She had been discharged from hospital earlier, her arm stitched up. She had arrived back in the dark, deserted flat and turned on all the lights, dreading the prospect of spending another night alone. She had grown used to it, she supposed, over time, but now, with Bloom gone for good… she wasn't sure how she could face another day at work, another day of living, even.

Switching on all the radios in the house, tuning them to the same radio station, she tried to fill her mind with white noise, block out her thoughts. But then the song began to play and she put down her wine glass and listened intently.

_You always think you know the better thing to do__  
__But in this case you could be wrong__  
__So you chuck off your shoes with an empty smile on your face_

Well, she thought. That was John Bloom all over. Cocky, self-assured, over-confident. He thought he knew best, always trying to exert his own perceived authority and overrule her. He was so arrogant, so openly contempt of her methods, and yet she trusted him. She trusted him to make the right decisions, and to get the Identity Unit their man.

But since the abduction… how could she ever trust him again? He had found her, yet it was his fault Halit had found her. It was because of him that Halit had suspended her from her wrists to the point where she feared her shoulders would be permanently damaged, trying to torture her for information.

_What is the problem with you?__  
__You're constantly in a mood and you've gotta shake it off__  
__It's getting on top of you again_

He really _was_ constantly moody, she realised, half-smiling. One minute unbelievably high, cock of the walk, showing off, the "great John Bloom", and the next he was down, moody, depressed, barely talking. Looking back, in retrospect, it all made sense. His life as Brendan colliding with his life as Bloom, everything dragging him under. The constant stress, the constant deception. His good moods were, she realised now, times when things were going well with his lover, the other woman – and his bad moods must therefore follow their arguments. Nothing – as she had initially hoped – anything to do with her.

_Everything that I say is the icing on the cake and__  
__You've gotta laugh at it__  
__And put it behind you, put it behind you_

He had found it so difficult to accept her word as law, do what she said, because he was never truly in control of his own life. And when you are not in control of your own life, you cannot allow others to control it for you. And now he had put her behind him. What she had thought they had… it was gone. He was never coming back.

_Stop, I'm not your number one enemy__  
__I'm not your number one enemy__  
__If you wanna be a part of me__  
__I'm not your number one enemy_

She smiled sadly. He had never realised that. If only he had told her the truth, she would have understood. She would have helped him, even. She wouldn't have kicked him off the team, she would have tried to change him. Despite AC Wainwright warning her, she would have tried to help him.

_So, now you've got this far__  
__Do you really want to start again on your own__  
__You say you're eternally scarred,__  
__But its nothing we can't fix while you're at home_

He was starting again. Without her. He had rejected her offers of help, over and over. Except he wasn't on his own. He was with that _woman. _Adile. He had chosen Adile over her. He had pushed her away over and over, and now he was truly eternally scarred. More than that, he was eternally cursed. By being with Adile, he was condemning himself to a life on the run, unable to return to the United Kingdom. He was imposing an exile on himself, ensuring he could never come home.

_I'm not your number one enemy__  
__All of you seem to be getting me__  
__A little confused with the way that you're treating me again__  
__We get along every now and then_

He had been hot and cold with her since day one, one minute unexpectedly intimate, personal, and the next frosty, prickly, acting like he couldn't care less what she thought of him. They could work perfectly as a team or in total opposition, arguing constantly. She was convinced he loved her one minute, and the next it was like he couldn't stand the sight of her. She didn't know what to think any more.

_We need to tie up the loose ends.__  
__I know that it will be alright,__  
__Let's stay in and talk tonight._

If only it was going to be alright. He had left her for good. Now she had to find a new member for the IDU, if it'd even remain open after this fiasco. She wished they could talk, just one last time, just so he could explain to her what it all meant. Explain to her why he had had to leave so soon, why he had lied to her, to the team, to everyone. Why he had been lying to himself.

_Stop, I'm not your number one enemy__  
__I'm not your number one enemy__  
__If you wanna be a part of me__  
__I'm not your number one enemy__  
__Stop, I'm not your number one enemy__  
__I'm not your number one enemy__  
__If you wanna be a part of me__  
__I'm not your number one enemy_

She thought he trusted her. But just when he was about to open up, just when _she _was, he would always weasel his way out of the conversation, dodge the questions, and the subject would change. He had managed to sidestep every question she ever asked him flawlessly, avoid every probing discussion, and so he remained an elusive mystery, an unknown quantity.

_I I I I may be the one to blame sometimes__  
__But I want it like it was before__  
__Like it was once before_

She wasn't going to try and deny that. She knew that she pushed him away sometimes, and that maybe she should have been less harsh on him, but he was a loose cannon sometimes and he couldn't jeopardise the entire unit… everything she had fought so hard. And it had become the only thing she could see, the only thing she could focus on – it had blinkered her, and she had lost sight of what was really important. And now she wanted to go back and change it, but she knew she never could.

_And you you you you're stuck__  
__In-between what you want and what's the right thing to do__  
__I want it like it was before__  
__Like it was once before_

He had been so trapped, she realised. Trapped between himself and Brendan, trapped between her and Adile. What he wanted and what he knew was right. And he had selfishly chosen Adile, and his life as Brendan. She just wanted to go back and apologise, be sweeter to him, try to convince him that she was what he wanted, but she knew she could never do that. She knew she'd lost him for good.

_Cos all she keeps on tellin' me__  
__Is that she ain't your enemy__  
__She ain't your enemy__  
__Scarlett! She ain't your enemy so__  
__Stop!_

She had just kept criticising him, just kept putting him down, and now she regretted every word. She should have tried to reach out, tried to get to know the man behind the work. Instead, she had just remained plain old "Bloom", her Detective Inspector but nothing more. Never anything more.

_Stop, I'm not your number one enemy__  
__I'm not your number one enemy__  
__If you wanna be a part of me__  
__I'm not your number one enemy__  
__Stop, I'm not your number one enemy__  
__I'm not your number one enemy_

She should have shown more of herself to him, tried to connect. Maybe then, they could have been…

Well. It was a ridiculous idea. A preposterous thought. But maybe they could have been…

_If you wanna be a part of me__  
__I'm not your number one enemy__  
__If you wanna be a part of me__  
__I'm not your number one enemy_

There was a knock at the door and she started. Putting down her wine glass, she straightened her hair and went to answer it, hoping, hoping…

_Number one enemy__  
__Number one enemy__  
__Number one enemy__  
__Number one enemy_

As the line repeated, she answered, hopes high…

And there he was.

"Martha," John said simply and she blinked, half-shocked, half-happy.

"Can I come in?"

2


End file.
